d story so far..

You never take
Take the time to really look
Look at the one
The one I really am

You try to fit
To fit me in a perfect box
You let me slip between the cracks

Now I’m faded
Into someone else
Made me someone I don’t wanna be
Yeah I’m faded
My true colour’s gone
Like a picture nobody sees

I bet you don’t
Don’t even know my favourite song
You tell me how
How I should wear my hair

You wanna change
Everything I ever was
Try to erase me
Till I’m not there

Now I’m faded
Into someone else
Made me someone I don’t wanna be
Yeah I’m faded
My true colour’s gone
Like a picture nobody sees

Now I’m faded
Like I never was
Till I don’t even know myself
Yeah I’m faded
Into what you want
But I’m not takin’ it too well

I don’t wanna be your little picture perfect pretty girl
Who’s got nothing to say
I’m not gonna wait around
Let you run my whole life down
So you can watch me fade away

Faded, hated, slippin’ away as I disappear in the dark
Faded, hated, so far away from who I was at the start

Lyrics of song by Kate Dearaugo

i was once faded.. slowly trying to find myself again..

The funniest thing happened to me last Monday as I was on my way to work. I was already running late for the bus I usually catch to the city to get to work on time. I was not even halfway from my house to the bus stop when I noticed a short and plump white ‘thing’ running in circles a few meters in front of me. Fear of all fears, it was a dog, unleashed!

I personally don’t have anything against dogs. I do adore them. And even though by religion I can’t touch dogs, I can tell a Labrador from a Collie to a German Shepard. I think they’re cute and smart. And dogs here in Australia particularly, are really, overly ‘friendly’. Which is good, if they’re on a leash! I can handle dogs on a leash coz I know they will never come near me. Childhood memories of being chased by ‘mentally unstable’ dogs in Malaysia have got me scared of them altogether. Big or small.

Back to my story. This particular dog, a Beagle, stopped in its tracks when it noticed me walking up from behind. And I, automatically stopped in my tracks too. We stared at each other for a good 10 seconds. The dog looked at me, his eyes glinting like the heavens had dropped a huge toy for him to play with! I did they only thing I could do which was cross the road and hoped that he would stay on his side. But of course, he did what all small pups like him would do. He crossed the road and gave me that killer stare again! I knew I could never get past without him jumping on me or barking at me. I guess I was scared that he would jump up and bite my nose off! Haha. Paranoid. Yeah, I know.

So, lamely, I whipped my mobile out to call one of my housemates to drive me to the bus stop! Yes, I was THAT desperate. But suddenly, the dog lost interest in me and started to run off in the opposite direction. Phew! He ran away so fast I soon lost sight of him. Happily, I continued on my journey. Thinking the dog probably went home and all my troubles of being scared were gone, I started to worry that I would miss the bus after all that drama only to hear soft pitter pattering behind me. He came out of nowhere. Like a silent killer. If he WAS a killer, he’d have done a good job creeping up from behind unnoticed!

I wanted to cross another road to be far away from the pup as possible (and hoping he would just bloody leave me alone!) but as luck would have it, I had to stop as a car was driving by.
And before I knew it, the dog was standing right next to me! My heart was beating so hard I could have had a heart attack. Ape yang aku takut sangat dengan binatang kecik tuh pun aku tak tau. But the really, really funny thing (that could have made me roll on the ground and laugh my heart out) was, all I had to say was the magic word ‘SHOO!’ and the dog looked at me as if I was the most boring person on earth for not playing with him, and trotted off. Haaaaaa..!! I got scared for nothing!

And before anyone asks, no, I did not miss my bus to work! ;D

Lot’s of people have been asking me if I’ve got my notebook back in one piece. The answer is yes. It’s working perfectly. Although I secretly wished I would be ‘mistakenly’ sent a Sony VAIO instead! Haha.. dream on girl..

We’re creeping into September soon but August will always be my favorite month of the year. Coz my birthday falls in August of course! Haha.. And we’re all busy practising our dance routine for MSA night this 8th of September. This would probably be the last performance I ever do in my life.. probably.. we’ll see. I’m getting older n older, y’know.. But I love performing. Ever since we were in primary school, we’re exposed to the art of performing. Small stuff u know, like for teacher’s day and school performances.

But the best performances I’ve done in my life was with the Assunta Military Band. AMB rawks! I really, really miss marching under the unforgiving hot sun, practising our music pieces like mad, cleaning and tuning our drums, getting our formation steps right, getting goosebumps when the whole band plays as one, performing for functions and competitions and just having plain good fun!

You train so damn hard for it, you wait so long for it, and it is over, just like that. And then u feel empty.. like everything was just a dream and then u wait and search.. for the next thing that will make u feel the rush and excitement again.. and I guess that happens a lot in my life.. and I am now, waiting..

I just got back from Brisbane and the Gold coast (again!), attending UMNO’s charity golf and carnival. It was held smack in the middle of the week and I had to miss a class but I’ve got a clean attendance so far, so I don’t feel too bad. ;D I got to know a lot of people from other Kelab UMNO’s all over Australia and New Zealand. The charity golf is an annual event held to help raise funds for these clubs to be used for functions and events for students overseas. Lot’s of issues were discussed during meetings and we got first hand news of what’s happening  back home. I shudder at the fact that we are the next generation that will hold the very big responsibility of moving our country along in the future. And when the time comes, questions will have to be answered and problems will have to be dealt with.

p/s- congrats to Azim for winning your 1st lucky draw in your entire life.. congrats to Man for winning a trophy for ‘the next golfer to beat Tiger Woods’.. to Mak Su, congrats for winning a lucky draw too and thanks for the cool, fun and inspiring conversations I haven’t had in a long time..

I am officially in a crappy mood and will continue to be in a crappy mood for the next few days. Why? My bloody notebook is not working! That’s why! I have to courier it to Sydney to be fixed and that might take a week. Or more. And to make matters worse, I have an interim crit this Thursday. And I am so not in the mood to do any work right now. *Sigh*. And I have to hop between other people’s notebooks (when they’re free) to check my emails and do some work. Bugger.

I have just finished reading a book titled, Does My Head Look Big In This? It’s a book about a 16 year old Australian-Palestinian-Muslim growing up and living in Melbourne. The book is really an eye-opener. Even to me, even though I am Muslim. It’s a good read for all the non-Muslims out there for you to understand about our different cultures and why we do this and that in Islam. And how hard it is to face the world today and do the things you do when all non-Muslims are really just trying to figure out if you’re a bloody terrorist or not! Makes me realise that everybody in this world has their own problems to deal with, big or small.

But I will still be in a crappy mood ’till my notebook is in my hands again.

It’s been nine days since I came back from sunny Gold Coast.
It’s been eight days since I started working back at Ali’s.
It’s been six days since I’ve been down with the worst cough and fever ever! I’m still coughing now..

It’s been two days since I’ve attended my first class in this final semester of my two year bachelor degree.. (I can’t believe its gonna be over soon! Time flies when you’re having a blast..).
We got assigned to a tutor who will guide us with our final project this semester. We were told to vote who we wanted our tutor to be out of six available lecturers. There was the Head of School himself, the Deputy Head of School, three senior lecturers and a new part-time tutor who was a graduate from the uni. I wanted one of the female senior lecturers coz she specializes in public spaces, museums and galleries. She would have been perfect for my batik gallery!
But OF COURSE.. I didn’t get her! Instead, I am now under the new tutor, Phil.. something. Its bad enough I’m not familiar with the guy, there are 11 students under Phil (I wonder if he’ll have enough time for us all), only me and Kam are the Asians in the group and… only me and Shelley are the only females in the group! This always happens to me.. since last year.. thrown into pre-determined groups dominated by men.. but I’m not complaining.. haha..

Ok back to my holiday diary. To those whom I promised this blog, sorry it took so long. Here you go.. enjoy!

Day 01 - 4th July 2006
- arrived in Gold Coast airport around 5pm. It was getting dark and it was raining. Boohoo. But it felt like Malaysia on a rainy day. Yaay! No more frozen cheeks for the next 9 days!
- the airport shuttle sent us to our backpackers, the ‘Sleeping Inn’. Was a cool place. Kinda had a Bali feel to it. Their motto was, ‘Get Excited!’. Haha.. you don’t wanna know why.. Owh, and they allowed nude bathing in the swimming pool and jacuzzi after 6pm! Woohoo! yikes..
- it stopped raining so we walked down to Surfers Paradise to check out the scene. Happening siot! Haha.. Bought some stuff in Hard Rock then headed back to get some sleep.

Day 02
- spent the whole day in Movie World! I felt 10 years younger! Damn it, I AM 10 years younger! At heart, that is. Was lining up for Shrek’s 4D thingie and spotted Willy Wonka walking around and taking pictures with people. We reacted kinda late, and Wonka was out of sight! That’s probably my regret of the day.
- spent an hour lining up for Scooby Doo’s spooky coaster. We imagined it to be the boring-est ride ever. Like the kiddie car rides. By the time we nearly got to the end of the line, we were fuming ‘This gotta be worth the wait man!’. And hell yeah, it was worth it! Highlight of the ride - Mariam got smacked in the face with an unsecured bag carried by the stranger sitting next to her. Poor girl. At least it didn’t happen when they took the candid flash pics!
- the Lethal Weapon ride was wicked. It’s the hanging legs roller coaster turning 360 degrees. My head hurt after that.
- the Superman Escape roller coaster was coolness maximus. Hearing Superman’s voice, ‘Don’t worry. I’ll get you out of here’ then zooming from 0-100kmph in 2 seconds! That was our last ride of the day but definitely the best.

Day 03
- moved backpackers as the new one was only $20 per night. Its called The British Arms, located on Seaworld Drive looking out to Mariners Cove and neighbors with Palazzo Versace.
- spent the day shopping at Pacific Fair and Australia Fair.
- Highlight of the day - Mariam watching hungrily as a German couple gobbled down a whole roast chicken while we were waiting for the bus!

Day 04
- went to Dreamworld! Wasn’t as dreamy as we anticipated. Maybe coz we were still thinking of Movie World and how much fun we had there.
- OK… the rides weren’t thaaat bad.. The Claw was cool, its the ride where you sit in this ring thing and it swings from side to side while turning 360 deg at the same time. A real tummy turner!
- Dreamworld was something kinda like Sunway Lagoon in Malaysia and it had animal sanctuaries which felt like being in a zoo. And not as many cartoon characters as Movie World (oh there I go again!).
- Probably the best ride of all was The Tower of Terror! You sit in a car of 20 people and the car shoots out of a tunnel at a very high speed and up a vertical tower and then it drops back down straight back into the tunnel. Cool.
- Highlight of the day - we had a HALAL lunch buffet in one of the restaurants there. We basically spent most of the day in that restaurant just eating and talking. Yaay! to Dreamworld for catering for Muslim needs.
- Owh, another highlight of the day - taking a pic with a Big Brother (reality tv show) evictee. It’s not like we wanted to! He was practically blocking the entrance to the souvenir shop. So, we took a picture with him so he wouldn’t feel offended if we just walked by. We didn’t even know his name! Haha..

Day 05
- went to Surfers Paradise beach to take some pics. The sun was glaring but it felt good.
- this was the day I scolded myself for being such an idiot for coming all the way to the Gold Coast and not once had it crossed my mind to take a surfing lesson! I booked myself in for a class the next morning! ;D
- spent the rest of the day shopping (again!)
- Highlight of the day - was sitting eating ice cream and people watching at Surfers Beach Walk when a couple sat down on the bench next to us after purchasing some bottles of wine from the BWS nearby. When they got up to go, one of their carry bags ripped and one of the bottles smashed to the ground. The couple looked as smashed as their bottle of wine but then something I would have never imagined happened. The guy working at BWS promptly came out of the shop and handed the couple a brand new bottle of wine! He said it was their fault the carry bag was not strong enough. Now that’s service! And the couple, picked up the large pieces of glass and threw them away and kicked the remaining small pieces under the bench so people wouldn’t accidentally step on them. Sweet!

Day 06
- out last day in Gold Coast before we head up to Brisbane.
- I went for my first ever surfing lesson. I had a blast! Although I was tired and very sore afterwards, and although I only got to really properly stand on my board and ride a wave ONCE (I kept slipping after that), it was well worth it! And I’d sure as hell do it again one day! Mission Accomplished! (tho the mission came into realization quite late in the trip!)
- remember how much fun I said Movie World was? Well, we went again! ;D This time I took the front seat on Lethal Weapon. It was cray-zee. But my head didn’t hurt after that. So that’s good. Took more pictures. Did more rides. Then it was really time to say goodbye…
- Highlight of the day - know those cameras that take your picture while you freak out on rollers coasters? Then you can go purchase them after the ride thingie. Mariam n me already knew where the camera was so the third time we went on Superman Escape, we were ready for it! It was a great picture, loved it!

Day 07
- said goodbye to Gold Coast and went up to Brisbane. Train ride took about an hour.
- Brisbane felt like any other Australian city, only less busier than Melbourne or Sydney.
- stayed at a friend’s place quite near to the city.
- walked around the city, planning what we were going to do the next day.

Day 08
- walked over from the city to South Bank, the ‘Cultural Centre’. Visited the site of my design studio project earlier last year. Last year, we only saw the site from pictures and learned about the context through the internet. I finally made it to the site this year.
- caught the ‘City Cat’ (cat as in catamaran, the city’s river public transport) and stopped at the University of Queensland. Walked around a bit. Oouuuhhh’s and Aaahhhh’s here and there at their campus as we’re not anywhere near that scale in Launnie.
- returned to South Bank and walked around. Got bored. Drinks at Starbucks. Went home. Yes, we were that bored.

Day 09 - 12th July 2006
- going back to Launnie today. The uni released our results at 9am. Mariam looked like she was going to faint at 8.59am. Rashi looked as calm as always. I… just wanted to see if I got at least a credit for my final project brief so I could proceed with actually designing it. And alhamdulillah, I got more than I expected. Mariam and Rashi did well too. We will leave Queensland, with smiles and happy memories.

Brisbane wasn’t really my thing. It was just a city. Like KL. I’m glad we spent more days in the Gold Coast. Throughout the whole trip, the magic was really in Surfers Paradise and Movie World and I’ll miss them like crazy. I had a really good time with my girls Rashi and Mariam and can’t wait for our next trip. Mariam kept saying over and over ever since the night we set foot in Surfers till we left for Brisbane, "This is the place to be man!".
It sure is!

Hah! I have finally watched The Da Vinci Code! Yeah, yeah.. I know.. old news. Well blame it on my never ending submissions.. ;p Despite reviews and critics, I thought the movie was great. People complained it being slow.. but heck, it is supposed to be slow.. it’s was even slow in the book.. contemplation people..

I’m on holiday now.. winter break.. and winter has literally BROKE LOOSE! It’s fringgin’ cold on some nights.. and in the morning everything’s covered in frost and thick fog.. we even had fog till after 12pm on one day.. sheesh..

I have 26 days left of my holiday which I will be working my ass off at Ali’s Cafe till I leave for the Gold Coast on the 4th of July. Yaay! Can’t wait for that! A man came for lunch at the cafe yesterday and had a chat with me. He’s from Brisbane but was on holiday in Tassie. And he got all excited when I told him I’m going over there next month. He gave me a long list of places I should go and see while I was there. He just couldn’t stop talking! I think the best thing out of all he had mentioned to me and something that I am really looking forward to, is the warmer weather there. I am tired of nursing my frozen nose and cheeks! So, counting the days till the 4th of July..

I joined a funk/jazz/hip hop dancing class and we had our first class last Monday. Just for the fun of it and it will at least give me something to do these hols. Good thing all the other students are women and…. we all suck! hahahahahaha… But who knows, maybe at the end of 10 weeks I’m actually good enough to be dancing for Janet Jackson! hahaha… PAH! I WISH!!

I was just typing out my professional studies assignment and noticed that most of my classmates + uni friends have their msn messenger personal message expressing the stress and anxiety of near end semester blues. I totally agree with them coz time’s up and we all really need to get it going and done with ASAP! Whether it’s design submissions, assignments due or final exams ‘a coming, stress is in the air!

My pavilion still has no design to it whatsoever. I don’t even know what the thing will look like as the final product. So much for speculation and speculating! But no worries, I will fire something up which will, hopefully, look good in the end. If not, then my neck’s on the line! And we wouldn’t want that now, would we? It being my final year and all. So… I’ll get back to work and we’ll see what happens. Good luck to all you people out there. ;D

Well, well… haven’t been updating this thing for quite some time. Hehs.. Like anybody reads it anyways! Well, just to satisfy myself then.. its a good thing also coz then I can re-live my memories two, three years down the road later. Haha..

This is, yes it is, my final year doing my B.Arch here is UTAS. Time really, really does fly by in a zip. Its funny, coz last year I was whining every single second on how bad I wanted to go back to Malaysia. I was wishing and hoping time would go by faster so that it would bring me closer to summer break and I could go back and be with my loved ones in Malaysia. This year, I’m actually crossing my fingers for time to pass by slower coz I wanna experience and appreciate everything I can, while I’m still here in Australia, in beautiful Launnie. We really do take things for granted, don’t we?

Another reason I don’t want time to go by so fast, is coz I’ve got a helluva lot of work to do but don’t seem to have enough time to do it! Hehs.. or that could be just me, lagging behind.. ;D

Yeah anyways, I’ll have to make sure my studies this year is satisfactory enough. Let’s graduate with flying colours! Yaay! Although the amount of work that will eventually lead up to my professional project presentation looks like a huge mountain I can’t even dream of climbing over, I WILL take things one thing at a time, slowly and steadily, I will make it.. I will. *Takottt!!*

I had a group presentation for design studio yesterday which went well.. and with that done, I’m free!! for the time being tho! heheh… still have 3 more group assignments to get through.. wonder how will I get through them.. after what has happened these past few days, I’m not really looking forward to group work anymore..

Anyway, went to town with Herney today after class.. did a bit of unwinding after a few stressful days.. had lunch at noodle box and just walked around.. bought a Roger David shirt for my daddy for just 5 bucks! bargain! heheh.. would love to see me daddy in the pink n purple shirt! wonder if he’ll even want to wear it?!

Had another round of practice for MSA night which is in two and a half days.. I have an issue bothering me tho.. see? here we go again with thinking and worrying too much! I helped out with the contemporary number, asmaradana, and of course i want it to go well and have every one of the 6 dancers (including me) doing it right so we all look good.. but i find it hard for me to point out people’s mistakes and correct them coz I can see some of us can’t take advice coz they think they’re really doing it right! so…. what should I do? tell them their mistakes and correct them and make myself look like a bossy psycho? or should I just shut my gob and let it be.. and let some of them look simply awkward coz they refused to listen? hmm.. know what? I think I’ll keep on being the bossy psycho.. I know it’s not a competition or anything.. but still, it’s a performance, we’re representing Malaysia, and we all want to do our best and look good, don’t we?

Okay, signing off now.. just to touch a bit on my title.. I’m listening to Siti Nurhaliza’s Ya Maulai right now, thinking back to the zapin (a traditional Malay dance) show I watched at Istana Budaya some months ago and I’ve set my heart to learn zapin when I get back to Malaysia… I think it’s simply beautiful and hey, how can a Johorian not know how to ber-zapin, rite?

Happy Birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to MIMI, happy birthday to meeee…!!!! yaay! i know, that was ages ago… but i still feel the same giddy-ish happy feeling i felt on the 11th of august 2005.. Had been quite busy the past few days n had no time to update my blog.. lotsa stuff has been happening so let’s get to it!

My birthday was a blast! Enjoyed it thoroughly… my house mates stuffed me with chocolate cake at 12 sumthin’ am.. the next day the parcel i have been keeping my fingers crossed for finally arrived! it was chock full of foodstuff, a few trinkets aannnnddd… the Malaysia August CLEO!! although i already knew what to expect in it (thanks to my mom), it was soo good to see those familiar faces! yes Adelin, Minas n Nabil… i’m talking about u guys… and Adelin, I’m gonna say it again just for the record, u DO look like Aunty Muna! which is good… Aunty Muna kan lawa! hehe..

i took my housemates out for dinner at an Italian restaurant… it was good.. and i got a Sportsgirl necklace I’ve had my eyes on from my housemates.. thanks guys! went back home after dinner and Herney came to pick me up to make Turkish carrot soup at Andy’s place… we stayed up until 1.30am peeling, chopping, cooking and blending them carrots and the final result was…. superbly delicious stuff!Didn’t think it would turn out good, but it did! and our classmates loved every drop of it when we served it up for show and tell the next day! a big hand to my teammates Andy, Herney, Hour n Kam for a job well done! yaay!

dinner that Friday night was in conjunction with my birthday, planned by Ling n gang… they cooked lovely stuff and it reminded me of the birthday buffet dinners i usually have with my family back in Malaysia.. thank you so much guys! i really stuffed myself full that night! and thank you also to Gina for the choccies, Hui xin for the flowers, Stanley for the friendship bracelet and Ling, Andy, Hour, Kam, Herney, CK and Candy for the card and choccies! i couldn’t have asked for more wonderful friends than u guys.. thank u so much!

on Saturday, went for dancing practice at Shida’s place.. yes, dancing.. hehe.. don’t forget to come to MSA night to watch me perform! ;D We’ve finally got all our steps together and just need to brush up here n there n we’re set to go! and i must say, we really look good! haha… but that’s not for me to say.. we’ll see what the audience thinks on that day!

ok… that’s it for now.. going home to watch Australian idol.. and then do some drawings for BT.. IF i have the heart n eyes to do it!